Next time you’re in a heated discussion with someone you trust* where they’re pointing out things you do that they don’t like, try taking a deep breath and responding with, “Okay. I hear you.”
Follow that up with, “You could be right. I may do some of those things that you said.” See how the energy shifts for both of you in that moment.
Why?
If you’re like me (proud, stubborn, raised to win and/or be right!), hearing criticism is TOUGH. Knee jerk reactions often look like metaphorical fists raised in the air, ready to defend against attack.
Here’s the thing — and it’s something master manifesters know really well: everyone is a reflection of us. Taken further, everyone is just “us talking to us.” So when someone criticizes us, we’re unconsciously trying to bring to light a part of ourselves we’ve been wanting to look more closely at and possibly heal. Honor that moment!
Again, why?!!
Learning to hear criticism is a great relationship building skill. It shows respect between two people.
*Before I go any further, there’s a big caveat: if you’re in a relationship with someone who constantly criticizes you, that’s not cool. For your own mind/body/spirit safety, you may need to disengage from that relationship entirely. What I’m talking about in this post is the occasional gripe that arises between two people who love, honor and respect each other. I am not talking about an abusive relationship where one person is consistently belittling the other.
Back to it…
Mind you, I’m a big proponent of wording things fairly. So if, for example, my husband and I are having a difficult discussion where he needs to share gripes against me, I ask that he word things starting with “I feel,” rather than “You are” or “You do this.” Another nice way to word things is: “It’s my opinion that…” That softens the blow, and it also points out that everyone is likely to perceive things differently. He might see something I do and interpret it one way, while I see that same thing I do and interpret it differently. Without a third party to weigh in or a hidden camera capturing our every move, it’s really his perception versus mine. No one’s winning that battle!
Instead, if he says “I feel this way when you do that thing…”, and if I remove temptation to defend against whether or not I actually did whatever thing he pointed out, I can focus on how he feels. And honestly, I want my husband to feel good always. Plus, I can’t argue with how he feels. His feelings are unique to him. And there’s our connection point. That’s where I can listen to how he’s feeling and loop into it – trying to find a solution that gets him back to feeling good.
And yes, it’s right and logical for me to want to feel good, also. Following this path actually gets me there more quickly. It means, however, opening myself up energetically, making myself vulnerable and hearing what his gripes are. That means walking through some thorny weeds before reaching a flower-filled meadow.
After all, his gripes are actually MY unconscious gripes of myself. He’s just me talking to me. If I respect myself, I’ll take time and really listen.
The magic of all this is twofold:
- Relationships deepen when two people can communicate openly in this way. My husband and I are able to offload ill feelings we have really quickly now, which means resentments aren’t harbored, and we’re authentically ourselves with each other close to 100% of the time. It’s helped us form a really strong foundation that weathers storms.
- Secondly, when it comes to manifesting, honesty is crucial. The more honest we are with ourselves about both our strengths AND our weaknesses (those pesky things that others gripe about!), the more closely we’re aligned with all the good we’re after.
- If we’re stuck in an unconscious pattern of lying to ourselves, however, we’ll attract more experiences that match those non-truths… And those experiences generally feel uncomfortable. (Trust me! Been there & done that.)
Before meeting my husband, I simply could not hear others’ gripes about me without immediately defending myself and wanting to deflect whatever was being said.
Energetically, deflection keeps us trapped in a really narrow passageway of understanding who we are at our core. There’s who we think we are – or who we want to be… But it’s not who we authentically are.
I’m betting there are tons of things we want to manifest that may not be showing up. One reason could be because our identity passageways aren’t wide enough! Our ability to accept all parts of ourselves (good, bad, ugly, beautiful) may be cutting off our full manifesting powers.
For me, once I started opening myself to hearing others’ gripes, and listening to what I was trying to teach myself through the vehicle of other people, I came into better alignment with All That Is. Much better experiences started trickling in that felt REALLY aligned, and my vibration was more apt to stay in the “good” zone, rather than see-sawing up and down, between high & low.
Key Manifesting Takeaways
- Everyone & everything we encounter has been created by us to learn more about who we are at our core.
- The better we know ourselves, the easier it is to align with everything we want.
- Knowing ourselves means hearing others’ gripes with an open mind and soft heart. In doing so, we give ourselves a clear glimpse into some otherwise tough-to-reach areas of our personalities that may need healing.
- The more healed we are — or whole — the better we can draw to us experiences that are a match to our most authentic selves… and that feels GOOD!!!
Thanks for reading & happy manifesting! 
