(Written to a friend after she went through an exceedingly hard breakup)
Beautiful friend, breakups are so hard… I think they shake us to our core. Relationships, especially romantic ones it seems, touch on our worthiness. When the relationship is going well, we feel worthy and on top of the world! When it starts unraveling, we take it personally.
I was in a miserable relationship at one point in my life that started off great (he seemed to be everything I wanted) and then quickly began feeling wrong… VERY wrong. I questioned if it was me, if I was doing enough to help it along, if I should be reacting differently than how I was reacting (which is to say, my gut screamed “RUN!”). Luckily, I have great friends who uplift and support me constantly, so when I needed a boost, they were there to clearly remind me, “This isn’t you. It’s just not the right relationship. Moreover, you don’t deserve to be treated the way you’ve been treated!” Side note: Why do I forget that when it seems to count the most?! I then realized that how I feel with my friends is how I wanted to feel in relationship with “the one.” And that’s just what happened. I realized that, for whatever reason, the unconditional love of friends is not what I’d been putting into my romantic relationship intentions up to that point. Instead it was stuff like “passion,” “romance,” “forever.” And a bit of caution: if you ask for “forever” make sure you also have all the other right adjectives in place, because otherwise forever could be with a turdball!
We all do it. We have these worthiness issues wrapped up in romance, and even if we logically know someone isn’t right for us, in the aftermath we let ourselves get messed up because — and I’m speculating here — maybe we think no one else will ever come along. Perhaps we should have tried a little harder to make the relationship work…
Here’s what I know for sure: we are all worthy of our greatest imaginable love. We are born worthy. We forget we’re worthy through our upbringing and what we see others around us settling for. Yep, I said it – many people settle. We lose touch with our innate divinity. We lose ourselves in the process of living. And all the Universe can ever do is meet us where we are. So if we have programming that includes unworthiness, “not good enough,” or struggle of any kind — even on a subconscious level, which is where much of that stuff hides out — we experience situations that reinforce whatever we believe.
So today, stop what you’re doing, breathe deeply and repeat aloud, “I am entitled to everything good. It is my divine birthright to have the happiest life imaginable, and for all of my relationships to be uplifting and feel amazing to me.” And then gently release anything and anyone that does not fit that mantra. Once you embrace the idea that you are, indeed, entitled to everything good, everything good will show up. Including the love of your life who will make you realize what all the other relationships & learnings were for.
My beautiful friend, you are so special and you have so much to offer. You are smart, funny, kind and gorgeous inside & out. Know that, and know how much you’re loved. Trust that you’ll heal and move on from this past relationship with joy in your heart – and that it’s safe to do so.
Your best is yet to come!
